The Dilemma
Women with controlling partners may sense—but can’t “see”—how their boyfriends or spouses hurt them. Why? Controlling partners use psychological abuse relentlessly, yet that’s not how women experience it. For them, it’s insidious, difficult to recognize, and hard to predict. Controlling partners don’t “appear” abusive all the time. Sometimes, they can be kind and even loving. They mix subtle abuse with moments of caring. This confuses women and reinforces their hope for a lasting, loving relationship.
Entrapment
Psychologically abuse intentionally keeps women off balance and vulnerable. They can’t see their partners’ controlling behavior for what it is–a mission for power and control in the relationship. All abused women have a unique ordeal, but no matter how different their lives are, they tell the same saga: their partners’ coercive tactics entrap them, and they become captives, or as one group labeled, “domestic hostages,” in their intimate relationships. Eventually, they lose their self, who they were prior to the relationship.
Hidden Injuries of Psychological Abuse
If your partner hits you, you an actually feel the abuse. The pain in your head or back or stomach tells you where you’ve been hurt. But suffering from psychological abuse harms how you feel about yourself and causes, “hidden injuries.” These injuries are debilitating and make it more difficult to function in every day life. You become even more vulnerable to being over powered and controlled by your partner. Most women with controlling partners report negative changes within themselves, but never attribute them to their relationship or partner’s behavior. Some of these changes are:
- Decisiveness to confusion, fog
- Confidence to self-doubt, lower self-esteem
- Peace of mind to apprehension, anxiety
- Sense of well being to emotional exhaustion, self-blame, depression, shame
- Strength to incompetence and despair
Fortunately, you can heal and get back your strengths. See “Healing”
